"i like you"

this was the unsend message that i wanted to send to u.. times flies.. it has been already a yr and that message is still stuck with me..

juz 3 simple words.. and yet it is so difficult to be expressed.. now that this 3 words no longer mean anything to me.. i shall let u know..

once upon a time.. "i like you"

Princess ended @
11:40 PM

i am sure to fluck my maths test.. can't even answer the first qn.. and dunno how to do the 2nd question.. worse of all.. the test onli has 2 questions.. hmm.. i think i will be happy if i dun get a zero for it..

it was pouring on my way home.. i am so near my home.. yet i feel so far.. cox i cant walk home fm the bus stop without an umbrella..

the rain was damm big and heavy.. as if the sky had accumulated tonnes and tonnes of water and juz explodes when it cant carry the weight anymore..

it also seems as if the sky is crying.. crying badly for something sad.. or somthing bad which had happened..

remember the times where i walked home in the rain.. tt was my favourite past time.. today is a veri good opportunity for me to do tt.. yet i nver.. ahhas..

ppl do change...

Princess ended @
6:05 PM

i HATE family problems..
argh!!!!

can i get out of these problems??

haix.. why must my father support 2 families?? why must he have his own businsess? why does he have to travel in and out of singapore tt often? why can't he give my mother all the securities she want? why can't he be a gentle and warming father? why can't he listen to us??? why can't i ahve all the luxuries i want???

why whY wHY???


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

i am going to explode pretty sOOOooNNnnnnnnnnnnnN.

get away fm me!!!!!

Princess ended @
4:54 PM

why do people smoke? do tobacco smell nice??

i had a little surprise fm my fren today.. she juz light it up in front of me when i was at her house.. my god.. stick by stick.. she began to smoke.. i simply juz cant stand the smell.. the smell juz give me headache.. and my nose juz hurt veri badly when i inhale the bad air.. and worse of all.. my clothes would have the smell!!! hmm.. i hate smoking so much.. why do ppl say i look like those who frequent clubbing?? i think i will juz faint when i step in la.. and my looks certainly cant pass the legal age gp..

argh!! i dun like smoke.. and dun like my frens to smoke to.. but.. sad to say.. there are quite a handful of my friends who smoke.. the jolly well know wat are the consequences and yet the still smoke.. haix.. this has to do with the frens around u.. influences can be great!!

-------------------------------------

some ppl work in the day while some work at night.. while walking home... saw many ppls who work at night.. hmm.. tt certain place sure look veri different in the day and night..

during the day.. it seemed like any normal decent place tt earns money.. but when it comes to the night.....

haix.. i juz dun like the scene.. u get to see all sorts of people.. of cox.. mostly those with some age.. i feel so disgusted when i saw some of the women down there.. reavelings clothings are wat they wear.. flirting with men are wat they are the best with.. having itimate actions are wat they do..

worse of all.. is young women with old man.. my god.. wanna puke already.. those old men.. they sure have some wifes and childrens and even grand children at home.. and they are out there playing with these women? can't they feel the shame? argh.. can u imagine one day u see an old man with a young woman and that old man turn out to be ur grandfather?? how would u feel??

some women are simply veri veri pretty.. but why do they get into these kinda jobs?? it is juz so wasting.. is having a job using brains tt difficult?

money.. it is always the main factor tt causes endless problems..

family members can go to the court because of money.. women find men who are rich.. wifes can quarrel with her husband because of money.. ppl divorce is also because of money..

money money money..

ppl had became so materalistic.. does kinship still exist? friendship?

---------------------------------
yawn.. i am sOoooO tired.. fm the excessive training of choir.. when i returned home.. arhh.. heard some news abt my this girl cousin again..

does the fault of communication break down lies on the parent or child? when the child wants to leave the home. parent want to commit suicide.. wat is this?? messy family..

haha.. well.. okay.. their family have been messy ever since i can remember.. but.. i dunNo.. is being the only child stressful? or being a single parent is even more stressful?

problems always happen to the onli child.. one of my neighbour, my fren of the same age.. he juz go crazy with ppl knowin wat happen.. and his parents are onli concern abt money.. they dun even care abt him.. i pity him.. but.. he is so agressive that i am afraid of him.. or can say.. ppl around him are afraid of him as well..

the teens age gp.. is where alot of child tot they are old enf to make decisions for themselves.. they tot they have already grown up.. but.. do they ever acknowlege the truths?? deliquents.. many dun find faults in themselves.. they juz believe wat ever they do is correct.. little would they stop and think abt wat they have done..

parents.. on the other hand.. i think shld also do some reflections.. so parents still have the old outdated thinkings tt they are the parents.. wat ever they say or do is correct.. well.. they shld have expressed their minds in a nicer tone and nicer way.. although this may seems to be compromising the child.. but isnt parents suppose to make their child feel as if the parents are friends??

hmm.. wat am i writing??? i am confused already.. watever la.. anyway.. those children who have brains will gain enlightenment some day how much love and concern their parents actually gave them.. the child would then change into a better person.. no use nagging and screaming when they dont even wanna listen to u..

---------------------------------------

shall work hard for my d.r.v test!!!

tests and tests.. seeing stars already..

ahh.. mayb its time to zZZzzZZZ.. yawns

Princess ended @
8:49 PM

lalala, lalala..almo song.. lalala, lalala, happy song..

hahas..

can u guess wat mood am i in now?? i simply juz like ur accompanyment.. fun and laughters are wat u gave me.. a shoulder to lean on.. a warm hug.. is wat i receive fm u.. wahhhaha..

i have learnt to be strong.. mighty woman i shall be.. persistance is wat i have to had.. i shall ignore all other ppl's remarks, commends, etc..

to my dear fren.. H.dumpty..( if u ever read this) appologises to u.. did't know i had created so much troubles.. i think.. everyone got the wrong idea already, including u.. everything that happen juz turn out to be wrong.. we juz had different intepretations of wat happen.. whY did u juz kept quite? no wonder i feel so wierd!!! sOrry dear fren..

things tt happened are not wat u guys tot.. argh.. how am i going to clear this big doubt?? when i am the last to find out.. ahhhHhhh...

but.. happy i shall be.. let u guys get mistaken then.. as long as my conscious is clear..

hahas..

happy day!!!

i love kisses+ strawberries!!!

Princess ended @
8:35 PM

simply love my class.. hahas.. our class only shows our class sprits when competitions come.. everyone put in extra efforts on the running.. even thou we trip and fell.. we still carry on the race without hesitating.. the best of all.. enduring the pain and injuries..

pei leng and jason.. u two are the best! i can feel the pain by looking at the injuries both of u have.. get well soon K..

although we might not performed as well as last yr.. hopefully we can get into the finals and win prizes again like last yr!!!

finally.. i made my decision on monday.. i handed in the withdrawl form.. i DROPPED BIO!!! felt kinda relieve.. but.. felt so empty suddenly.. used to all those hetic and busy lifestyles already.. lessen my load will onli cause me to slack more i guess?? hahss..

i think i flunk today's maths fac test.. i did my best.. i did study.. but.. i was simple tOO CARELESS!! this carelessness always kill me.. and yet i did't learn fm this mistake and still continue to do it repeatedly.. oh No.. wake uP!!!

my gp is sure nOt uP to standard.. gp lessons have been boring this week.. teacher is pissed by the class behaviour.. hahas.. actually.. i think tt the teacher is quite pityful too.. who would enjoy teaching a class like us??

but seriously.. i begin to worry for my gp.. i dun think i have improved any fm last yr.. and gp is sOOOoo important!!! ppl can get all As for the A'level subject and fail gp.. do u know what are the consequences? u get to repeat another yr!!

this is bad.. i shall not allow this to happen to me!!! but.. hahas... i am simply lazy.. got to start my engine sOooonNn..

happen to read the blog of someone name max.. some one fm choir right? not veri sure.. but saw some familar names of choir members on his tagboard.. should be some j1 guys.. haha.. i juz have no idea how he look like..

i was impressed by his blog.. his command of english is sUper good.. his entries are juz like essays la.. hahas.. wonder when will i ever get to tt stage..

thinking abt it.. i dun think i know much of the j1 choir peeps.. or i shld say.. i did't make an effort to interact with them.. someone was teasing me recently tt my socialising skills are not good.. after much tots.. i think he is quite true eh.. haha.. or i simply can't be bothered.. haha.. do u know it took me a yr before i know all the current j2 choir members? long right? hahas..

once.. i had soOOoo many frens around me.. but.. i came to realise tt not everyone juz can be frens with u.. and there arn't many who can help u in times of troubles or be with u when u need them.. frens come and go.. some dun even bother abt u.. sOo.. why bother too much abt them when u Noe the friendship will not be long lasting?? isn't putting in the time and effort to maintain a good frienship better?? oR.. am i thinking tOo much?

maintaing frienships need time and effort.. but.. do we have the time now? i don't even fork out a few seconds to send a good night message to my dearest fren.. sO.. wat position am i to make more friends?

i dun like to quarrels nor hatrates.. i dun fancy cold wars.. i dun wish to see hurting words..

tingz and xinz.. can we juz forget abt wat had happened???

Princess ended @
9:06 PM

choir tomorrow!

there goes my sentosa trip with wend and xinz.. SENTOSA!!! when will we be there??

xinz taking results tmr.. good luck oh..

my stomach is not functioning properly eh.. i wont tell me when i am hungry.. so i juz dun eat cox i dun feel the hunger.. and u noe wat.. i goes sOOOooOOo painful when i dun eat..

see...

argh..

Princess ended @
8:51 PM

choir tomorrow!

there goes my sentosa trip with wend and xinz.. SENTOSA!!! when will we be there??

xinz taking results tmr.. good luck oh..

my stomach is not functioning properly eh.. i wont tell me when i am hungry.. so i juz dun eat cox i dun feel the hunger.. and u noe wat.. i goes sOOOooOOo painful when i dun eat..

see...

argh..

Princess ended @
8:51 PM

daddy mummy..

i am sorry.. realli sorry..

finally.. i realise how my behaviour was for the past 3 yrs..

the agony.. the lost in trust.. the heart breaking feeling..
now.. i do understand how the both of u feel.. i am so sorry.. i am not a good daughter nor a good sister..

i am a bad example.. bad examples are always being pick up easily.. tts why.. my brother had evolved into another me..

rebellious, bad tempered, failing to admit ur wrong, telling untruths, quarreling with parents, ignoring comments by family members.. throwing tempers.. and many more..

looking at my brother's behaviour.. i saw myself in him.. the kind of feeling is juz so familar.. after experiencing it myself.. i feel so terrible.. i feel so heart broken.. i think.. this is juz wat my parents feel when i was like tt 3 yrs ago..

thinking back.. i felt so foolish.. why did i do such stupid things? why did i hurt my parents so badly? no wonder the lost trust could not be found back any more.. no wonder the there is always a barrier between me and my parents.. no wonder they dun believe in me anymore.. no wonder they ignored me some time 2 yrs ago..

i am juz too bad..

and now.. my brother is repeating juz the same as wat i did.. argh.. how i wish i can slap him.. make him wake up.. i juz wish he can stop wasting his time.. stop playing tt stupid maple.. stop talking on the phone till midnight.. stop day dreaming.. and pay more attention to his studies..

i regret.. i regret for not using my time wisely.. i regret i did not make full use of all the opportunities given to me.. i juz let it slip past me.. hahas.. i think i juz deserve it..

i think i juz have no brains...

Princess ended @
9:30 PM

this is Not veri good..

where are all the fun and laughters we used to have? where did our understanding of each other go? where did all our close feelings go to?

why did this happen?

we hardly have time for each other already.. and yet.. we quralled again..

i believe.. not only wend who misses the old days.. me xinz and tingz.. we all do miss the days where we four went crazy together dun we?

can we go back to the past?

why cant juz put down all the bad memories and feelings and tots tt u have? i admit.. we are all busy with our new lives.. we juz didt have time to show care and concern.. but at least.. the 3 of us still have the same tots.. tt is "we 4 of us will still be together No matter wat happen"

isnt this the thing tt bring us together? even thou we may not reply ur sms.. did not bother to call and chat with u.. didt reply ur good nite messages.. but deep in out hearts.. we all feel the same.. we know we do care for each other.. u do knew it also right? so why cant u juz stick to tt? why let ur mind run wild?

we might nOt talk veri often.. but we do still make an effort to ask each other out right? we do.. at least.. we still have some time together.. the 3 of us still enjoy the times we spend together.. why dont u? why cant u juz relax urself and convert back into ur oldself?

i am not saying tt having a change is Not good.. but no matter wat u did or wat u felt with ya new frens.. can u juz go back to the feelings u had when u were with us? and not introduce new stuffs for us to adapt? for us to accept?

me xinz and wend.. we hardly sms or call and chat.. but when we were on msn yester.. i juz felt we were no difference from last time.. we still chat and laugh.. wend and xinz are still the same as last time.. we even have lots of same tots! all the stuffs we mentioned or suggested.. are wat each other had tot of.. can u imagine the delights we have when we saw the words we typed out are the same?? we have the same thinkings.. we cant hear each other voices.. but.. i can feel the excitment in us.. i can feel it!! u tell me.. can u have this kinda mo4 qi4 with ur frens? u say u will feel left out if u join us.. but.. u didt even wanna try.. how can u say tt? we 3 can do it.. why cant u?

yes.. we four are now in different schs.. with different lifestyles and friends.. but wats wrong with tt? as long as we still have each other in our hearts.. i think tt enf.. showing or not showing ur care and concern does not matter.. for we noe truely in our hearts.. we do care..

u said ur efforts done are always neglected.. not being recognised by us.. but.. have u try to accept the efforts done by others? all of us were not free to attend des's bbq.. but other frens of ke xin had the time.. did we ever attended the performance by ke xin durin chinese new yr? none of us did.. but ke xin's classmated did.. her frens did.. can u juz feel the pain and dissappointment? u cant blame ke xin for being harsh.. i can feel it.. it is juz the same when ur didt come for any of my choir concerts.. all those who came were classmates which i dun expect them to turn up.. but.. they juz surprise me.. u Noe wat they say.. they say "how can we dun support our own classmates?" and then.. i was thinkin.. my closest frens.. dun even support me.. busy.. tts the excuse.. i accept it.. i kNew ur are realli busy.. but.. the hurt is there..

so.. everybody does have some hurt here and there..but.. we dun show it out.. at least.. we forget abt it when four of us come together.. time is precious.. we juz want to put all our happy moments together.. and we did.. we enjoyed ourselves.. and u? i dont know wat are u thinking.. u juz dun enjoy urself when u r with us.. we try so hard.. we wanted to please each other.. but u noe perfectly.. there isnt a way which suits all of us.. tots and thinkings are juz different.. we juz have to compromise.. is compromising tt difficult?

everytime when we go out.. there are bound to be something tt happen.. sometimes u would juz give the look.. as if u r bored.. u dun feel good with us.. do u give this kinda attitude to ur other frens? then why show it to us? i read ke xin's blog.. she might always be having fun with her frens out there.. but when she is with us.. at least she still enjoy herself also.. she didt give the bored look face.. so why are u givin??

remember tt day i was telling ke xin i wanted to go sentosa with ur.. cox it had been long since we ever steped there together.. i told her even before the holidays start.. both of us are so excited and we wish the day come faster.. even wend agreed on it too.. when i heard u saying " i dun feel like going" can u imagine how dissappointing it was? i myself was sOOOOO disappointed.. i juz couldn't think of a proper way to let the other 2 girls know ur decision.. all of us were so disappointed..

didt u always go sentosa to play? remember last yr.. u juz kept going on the sentosa with ur other frens.. sO.. when its the turn for us to go together.. u think there is no fun anymore? u have already explored all ur funs with ur other frens already issit? i juz cant believe it..

and so.. we abandoned the plan of going sentosa.. we decided to go out instead.. and there u are.. trying to push back the time.. the worse.. telling us u r going for sbm thingy.. i would be much much more happy if u dun mention the sbm thing to me..

mayb.. sbm did accompanied u when u needed some one the most.. mayb tts the place where u can find the type of friendship tt u want.. fine.. i have nothing to say..

i have no more ideas on how to handle this matter already.. no matter wat we say.. u juz believe in ur own set of thinkings.. u dun accept wat we say.. u dun recoginse wat we do.. u r juz stubbon.. i noe u r a perfectionist.. u wanted a perfect friendship also.. but.. i can tell u.. there is no such thing as perfect frenship.. things wont go according to they way u want them to be..

Princess ended @
1:51 PM

wIld wIld wET!!!!!!!

oh yes! finally.. an outing with my dear hot chicks.. yeah.. but we are still short of one chick.. aphid!!! why u always can't make it to our outings? did't we planed this long time ago? and u said u can attend!! :(

well.. nvm.. kinda sad initially.. but.. we still went according to our plan.. the weather is sOoo fINe today.. quite a cloudy day.. the sun is out too.. out for the others to suntan themselves.. for me.. i juz put tonnes and tonnes of sunBLOCK over myself.. i dun wanna be tanned.. i am sOOO black already.. so many ppl have already mistaken me for malay.. i dun wanna be indian eh.. I am a PURE CHINESE!!!

we juz went super crazy the whole day.. screams and shouts are all wat u get fm us.. and dun forget.. capsizing each other.. and pulling each other pants.. haha.. it sounded gross right? but tt's the fun!!

let me tell u.. DON'T wear PANTS into the lazy pool! ur pants will juz slip off.. together with ur underwear.. it's true.. dun believe? go and try it.. hahas...

had a great time playing with the lazy pool.. of cox.. with jy trying her best to climb up the float.. hahas.. she juz cant get on it.. she keep slipping off.. and she practiacally keep laughing and screaming.. hahaz.. i think we are veri noisy.. but.. who is nOt down there? :)

wanted to play with the slides.. but... NO CLOTHES are allowed!! means those who are wearing clothes cannot play with the slides.. wth.. i wanted to play with tt la.. and i didt bring my swim suit along!!! super sad..

u Noe wat.. when we were at the wave pool, suddenly saw someone veri familar.. u NOE WhO? its KENNY!! hahas.. he looks so funny la.. he had his float stuck to his tummy.. my god.. made me think of the mashimaro the choir ppl were saying when we were in the malaysia trip.. hahas..

i am still tanned in the end.. my face and my arms are feeling hot.. hopefully i dun get any blacker..

went to change after the wave pool thingy.. cox we are all super hungry!!! on the way to pizza hut.. we are all feeling so down already.. all energy have been used up.. everybody is juz tired..

had yummy yummy pizzas.. ate till we are damm full!!! i still can feel my pizzas churning! no more spaces for dinner! mama cook my facourite dishes and i cant even eat la.. ahh.. sad..

watch css as usual.. hahas.. i think yu yang is so cute! fm mjr de.. of cox notice him more than the other contestants.. but then.. his singing is juz not veri good..

tired tired..

choir tomorrow.. can i dun attend??

Princess ended @
9:14 PM

Princess ended @
12:56 PM

today is certainly not my day..

my father simply oppose the idea of me dropping my bio..he did't even ask why do i wanna drop.. he just say..

u r STUBBON! I DUN WANNA TALK TO U..

wth...

eh.. this is my life la.. i am old enf to decide wat is good or bad for me.. i am not the young innocent and stupid ger i used to be.. i am not the one who will listen to u all the time.. u knew it.. after so many incidents tt happened.. why do u still dun understand me? or why do u always force me to do somthing which i dun like?

can u try to understand my struggles behind this decision? argh..

no matter how hard i try to convice him.. he still dun get wat i am saying into his head..
he still believes those who dun take more than one science is not a science student.. helloz.. dun u noe chem is a sci? and he always says.. if u dun wanna take sci.. go poly then.. dun need to waste ur time in jc..

this is my father.. he has this thinking tt if u r not a sci student.. u cannot make it big.. u will have no future.. heyz.. u urself is also not a sci student la.. the family dun even have anyone taking sci and u expect me to do well in sci? our family juz dun have the sci genes.. even all my cousins dun excell in sci..

anyway.. why am i a sci student? haix.. if time were to turn back.. i will take arts instead.. i prefer geography.. but do u noe why i end up in sci stream?

this is all because of my father.. he says.. if i am going not going to take sci.. he will not allow me to enter jc.. haix.. why does he tot tt the arts stream is onli drawing? he realli u Noe.. he dunno tt there is geo and hist and literature.. my god.. no matter how many times i explain to him.. he juz dun understand.. and he cant get it into his mind.. he still assume tt he is the correct one..

i dun mean i am always correct.. but for now.. i juz want to get the best results tt i can produce from my subject combi.. can u accept it? i dun wanna take bio and then get poor results.. i dun want.. i dun want to have to face the same things as wat the seniors experience..

this is my life.. i dun want any regrets.. i hate regretting.. regreting once is enough.. the feelings juz sucks.. please.. let me decide on my own.. and give me the permission please.. why cant u juz listen to my explaination? u nver ever listen to my explaination before.. i am always not allowed to talk my reasons to u..

why why why???

tell me!!!

i juz wanna be happy..

Princess ended @
7:16 PM

life is so fragil..
one moment.. they are still around and the they are gone for the next moment..

this is so scary...

ppl of the same age.. why do they choose a different route? or why do they choose a different way to handle situations?

juz realise.. the guy who is gone in tpjc.. once attended the same pri sch as me.. and the class is situated juz beside my class..
met shi kai juz now on the bus.. he told me tt another guy tt is with the same pri sch as us is gone too.. all by the same method..

oh no.. why are these things happenin so frequently?

they made me think of the mjr incident..

suddenly.. everything seems so scary..
juz hope no more of this things are happening again..

to the both of them..
rest in peace..

Princess ended @
9:07 PM

reaping wat you sow

i will remember this sentence forever..
i did not sow my seeds properly.. tts why the results i get are not my expected results..

okay.. i onli have myself to blame for it.. even thou i knew perfectly i will not do well,i still hoped for a good grade to appear.. it goes to show.. i do not have the ability.. i still have to work hard in order to get the grades tt i want..

i am terrible disappointed with myself.. i nver ever get such grades for my chinese before.. this is the first time.. the feeling is not good.. i dont want to experience this feeling.. arhx..

i am sad.. veri sad.. cox this is not my expected results.. and i break down in front of all my frens.. i feel so bad.. taking up their time and making them worried for me..

to serene, shaina, vera and jiat yue..
thanks for the accompanyment and encouragements tt ur have given me and thanks for all the attemps to make me laugh.. realli appreciate it.. u guys rocks!

to mao and tingz..
realli greatful for the time ur spent on me.. hmm.. i'am glad to have u both guys with me.. hearing me talk my problems.. hahas.. mao.. u better study for ur test! and tingz.. get well sOon..

to all those tt consoled me.. thanks alot!

feel better after all the talkings and cryings.. hmm.. i may seemed to be a cry baby.. but.. at least.. i have a clear mind of wat to do next..

anyway.. alot of ppl ask me why do i take chinese when i have a choice not to take..

well.. this is my answer.. i take chinese because i like chinese.. i dun take it because it is a requirement in our studies or because we have to take an L2 language..

alot of ppl keep telling me the chinese grades will not be included in the A level results of U entry.. so.. i dun need be too sad if i did not get the grades i want..

but.. this is not the case for me.. no matter it is included or not.. this is my favourite subject.. i juz want to do well for it.. not because for the sake of education but it is beacuse of the passion i have for this subject..

it might be ok for other ppl if the dont do well.. their wish might be getting a pass is enf..for me.. a i juz want to get wat i think i am capable of..

Princess ended @
6:22 PM